I look outside to a quite unknown street. It’s grey, drizzling a bit but not cold. I walk along the street, seeing red double-deck busses, red telephone boxes and I go downstairs next to a sign that says „Underground“. You might already have guessed it: I am in London. I woke up that Sunday morning and found myself in the capital of England. But let’s begin from the start and take a look back.
India is almost two months ago already. I still think of the amazing people I met there, my friends, the weather and the sun, the food, especially the fruits and the juices. I miss it, even the somehow stressful part like the crazy and noisy traffic, the crowded streets and bargain with rickshaw drivers because afterwards you could enjoy the ride which is so tipical India. When I left, all the excitement was suddenly gone and I saw myself confronted to go back in a life which was not really mine anymore. I knew it would not be for long because I already had plans concerning my job search. Anyway, it turned out that I needed more patience than expected and that I would have to deal with some kind of frustration. And however, if I look back now I notice that it hasn’t actually taken that long, my expectation was just another one.
Well, so I was looking for a job, even considered to go back to India but in the end it seemed like India didn’t want me back. At least, I never got a reply. What was asking for me instead, was London. I didn’t really care exactely where to go as long as I would be able to start a nice life but now I am definitely asking myself if I would rather have liked to go back to India than going to London where I – no kidding – never have been before, not even for a short visit.
First, let me tell you a bit about my start in London. I can’t remember the last time I had such a tough time. I already felt like giving up and going back, after 3 days! It felt like so many obstructions have been put in my way. Opening a bank account in the UK seems to be an impossible challenge and actually what is always on my mind since I arrived here: money. I am calculating and thinking about money almost every minute. I knew it would be expensive but after, luckily, finding a place and really having to spent a fortune for rent and deposit, not to forget the ticket you need for transport and the expenses you have for food etc. I definitely got desperate and freaked out for a short time. I need a lot of money to earn money. Does that make any sense?! I am just hoping that the right things will be at the right place at the right time. Then, everything will work out just fine. Until then I will be a restless and stressed out person, completely tired out due to a too small couch, which is, anyway happily, offered to me by a nice person until I can finally move to my own place.
Even though I am quite busy organising things I still have thoughts on my mind about this whole situation here. Was it the right decision to come here? Did I really choose a good place too stay? I haven’t even started working yet, but will it be alright? Will I like it? Will I be doing a good job? Will I at some point have a social life? Friends to go out with?
I guess these are quite normal thoughts and doubts someone has on his or her mind when starting new at a different place. You always come to that point when you want to give up, when you feel broken, upset, frustrated or just not good enough for anything and as if things are overwhelming you in a way that you won’t be able to handle it. But this actually is not related to a specific place. I’ve been to some places, having good times, bad times, really bad times but also really good times. It’s an up and down for which it doesn’t matter in which place you are. In the end it’s your own effort, it’s what you make out of it. So, would it have been better, less stressful, easier to go back to India? I don’t really think so. I know that I definitely like it but this is not a garanty for having a good time all through. Thoughts and doubts appear anyway and as I wouldn’t have gone back to the old life I had there I would have had almost the same problems I have to deal with in London.
There are definitely places where you like to be more than others and that obviously influences your mood and how you feel. Nevertheless, fact is that you have good times as well as bad times anywhere you go. It’s mostly the question about ourselves that causes doubts. Who am I and what characterizes me? What do I want to achieve? You can find these answers anywhere. For sure, it helps when put yourself in different situations to find out what kind of person you are. What I am specifically thinking of right now is something that somebody once said to me: „People say they come to India to find themselves but I think, if you can’t find yourself anywhere else you won’t find yourself in India“. I think that person is right. Traveling helps you to find out what person you are but I don’t think it’s a specific and just this place that makes you find yourself.
Well, getting back to the topic. I am in London and will start work on Monday. Also on Monday, I will move to my new place. Things already turn out to go the right way. Soon, I will post some pictures, when I have more time to just enjoy the city I am living in now.